Stan: No, Jay Leno's chin is big-boned. You are a big, fat ass.
Eric Cartman: I hate hippies! I mean, the way they always talk about 'protectin' the earth' and then drive around in cars that get poor gas mileage and wear those stupid bracelets - I hate 'em! I wanna kick 'em in the nuts!
Kyle: Dude, Cartman, look! Your mom is on the cover of Crack Whore magazine.
Chef: Don't do drugs kids. There is a time and place for everything. It's called college.
Uncle Jimbo: Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way.
Chef: You know what they say: You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.
Sportscaster Frank: I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!
Mr Garrison: Genetic engineering is man's way of correcting God's hideous mistakes, like German people.
Stan: You know, I think that if parents would spend less time worrying about what their kids watch on TV and more time worrying about what's going on in their kids' lives, this world would be a much better place.
Satan: Without evil there could be no good, so it must be good to be evil sometimes.
Stan: Dude, dolphins are intelligent and friendly.
Cartman: Intelligent and friendly on rye bread with some mayonnaise.
Mr Garrison (on women's period): I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
Eric Cartman: Respect My Authority!
Eric Cartman: It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.
Stan: I don't want to shoot the bunny.
Uncle Jimbo: No nephew of mine is going to be a tree hugger.
Cartman: Yeah, hippie. Go back to Woodstock if you don't want to shoot anything.
Mr. Garrison: No, that's wrong, Cartman. But don't worry. There are no stupid answers, just stupid people.
Eric Cartman: I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried something, I'd be like, HEY! You get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
Stan: Oh, my God! They killed Kenny.
Kyle: You bastards.
Other Mom: Can Eric spend the night?
Mrs. Cartman: No, I'm sorry, Eric is grounded for trying to exterminate the Jews last week.
Stan's Mom: Stan, what did I tell you about watching the Osbournes? It's going to make you retarded!
Cartman (on a goat sent to him and his friends by some kids in Afghanistan): It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't stay here, or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom.
Cartman (on a goat sent to him and his friends by some kids in Afghanistan): It's an Afghanistan goat, so it can't stay here, or else it'll choke on the sweet air of freedom.
Terrance: I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is that you're perfectly healthy. The bad news is that you have cancer.
Kyle: Kick the baby! Ike: Don't kick the goddamn' baby.
Eric Cartman: Attention shoppers! Outside today, we have a cripple fight. Cripple fight, outside!
Mr. Garrison: Gay people, well, gay people are EVIL. Evil right down to their cold black hearts which pump not blood like yours or mine, but rather--a thick, vomitous oil that oozes through their rotten veins and clots in their pea-sized brains; which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns of violent behavior. Do you understand?
Eric Cartman: How 'bout we sing, 'Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch' in D Minor.
Jewish Kid: Is anyone else having problems concentrating on this? I just can't seem to concentrate.
Cartman: Maybe we should send you to a concentration camp.
Eric Cartman: Stan, don't you know the first law of physics? Anything that's fun costs at least eight dollars.
Benjamin Franklin: I believe that if we are to form a new country, we cannot be a country that appears war-hungry and violent to the rest of the world. However, we also cannot be a country that appears weak and unwilling to fight, to the rest of the world. So, what if we form a country that appears to want both.
Thomas Jefferson: Yes, yes of course, we go to war and protest going to war at the same time....
Benjamin Franklin: And that means that as a nation, we could go to war with whomever we wished, but at the same time act like we didn't want to. If we allow the people to protest what the government does, then the country will be forever blameless.
John Adams: It's like having your cake and eating it too.
Anonymous Hick Redneck Founding Father: Think of it: an entire nation founded on saying one thing and doing another.
John Hancock: And we will call that country the United States of America.
Eric Cartman: Hippies.They're everywhere. They wanna save the earth, but all they do is smoke pot and smell bad.
Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina? Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!
Sportscaster Frank: I haven't seen a Jew run like that since Poland, 1938!
Kyle: The fat bitch won't let us.
Bus Driver: What did you say!?
Kyle: I said rabbits eat lettuce.
Eric Cartman: You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants.
Eric Cartman: Maury, I am out of control. Yeah, I use drugs. I can do what I waunt, biatch! Yeah, I have sex, and I don't use protection! It's my hot body; I'll do what I waunt! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I waunt!
Cartman: Mom--Kitty is being a dildo.
Mrs. Cartman: Well, I know a little kitty who is sleeping with Mommy tonight.
Teacher: Kyle, concentrate!!!
Cartman: Maybe he should be sent to a concentration camp.
Eric Cartman: Well, I looked in my mom's closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000.
Mr. Garrison: Who was in charge of the feminist movement of the early '60's?
Cartman: A bunch of fat old skanks on their periods.
Mr. Garrison: Right. But who was the fattest, oldest skank on her period?