Chelsea Handler Quotes and Sayings

These are inspirational, motivational, wise, sad and funny Chelsea Handler quotes, sayings, and proverbs that inspire us. See more famous quotes on QuoteLicious.

  • Name: Chelsea Joy Handler
  • Birth: February 25, 1975
  • Birthplace: Livingston, New Jersey, U.S.
  • Occupations: comedienne, television host, actress, author
  • TV Show: Host of Chelsea Lately
  • Star Sign: Pisces

Chelsea Handler quotes about love, relationship

 

That’s my biggest struggle, is maintaining a personal romantic relationship. It takes a lot of effort. ~Chelsea Handler

 

In a relationship, the sum of your parts should equal more than just you by yourself. He needs to bring something new and different to the table to up the ante. ~Chelsea Handler

If you’re really looking to hurt somebody’s feelings, just break up with them. ~Chelsea Handler

 

Men are always like, ‘You’re so intimidating.’ I don’t find myself to be. But whatever – I’m not going to try to be less intimidating. It’s just a matter of finding a guy who’s able to deal with it. ~Chelsea Handler

 

I have always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denial to pretend I wasn’t born with a personality for divorce. Whatever the opposite of amicable is, that’s how my breakups tend to play out. ~Chelsea Handler

 

The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life. ~Chelsea Handler

 

I’m into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows. ~Chelsea Handler

 

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn’t make any sense. ~Chelsea Handler

You can’t fast-forward heartbreak, and you can’t rewind love – and that’s just one big bummer. ~Chelsea Handler

 

Who would marry me anyway? I’m a handful. ~Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler quotes about business, success

Once you’ve achieved success, and you’re making decisions that are working, I don’t understand why anyone would be second-guessing themselves. ~Chelsea Handler

 

I started my own business because my parents had no dowry for me, and I was worried. I ran it from their Martha Vineyard’s summer house. I baby-sat for a 14-year-old boy all summer and was giving him time-outs, even though I was two years younger than him. ~Chelsea Handler

 

I’ve always had a problem with authority. That’s why I had to be my own boss. ~Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler quotes about family, life

 

I like to celebrate my life. I have a life that I’m really lucky to have, and so I want to make sure every minute counts and that I go on great vacations and I share my memories with people that I love and that will make me laugh and lalalalalala. ~Chelsea Handler

Don’t think about anything for too long. Even if it’s off-the-wall, go for it. You’ll have a lot more fun in life. ~Chelsea Handler

 

It’s a pleasure to play my sister because everything I’ve accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes. ~Chelsea Handler

 

It’s a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I’ve been living this life for a long time, and I’m over myself. ~Chelsea Handler

 

Once I turned 40, my whole life changed in the most mature – not boring way but much cooler way. I feel much more like an adult. ~Chelsea Handler

More inspirational Chelsea Handler quotes

 

People are always like, “Oh, she’s such a bitch.” I’m like, “Yeah, I am a bitch, actually.”
— Chelsea Handler

 

It’s been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is truly a loyal friend, then they wouldn’t need to broadcast it; eventually, people will figure it out. I have a lot of good friends and not one of them has ever introduced themselves by saying, “I’m a very good friend.
— Chelsea Handler

 

I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second… or the fifth. I’ll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.
— Chelsea Handler

 

I like to stay at home and sit on my ass.
— Chelsea Handler

 

I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
— Chelsea Handler

 

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.
— Chelsea Handler

 

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
— Chelsea Handler

 

There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.
— Chelsea Handler

 

You just be honest about who you are, and if you don’t end up with any friends then good for you.
— Chelsea Handler

 

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