A 7-Item Checklist To Love Yourself Again After A Failed Relationship

Romantic relationships are fun and exciting until one or both of you find a reason to stop dating each other and break up. The thing about breakups is that you’ll never know when it’s coming or not. One day you’re happy and in love. The next thing you know, you either find out your partner cheated on you, one or both of your priorities changed, or the relationship grew toxic and eventually left both of you emotionally and mentally hurt.   

That’s when that one big question would linger in your mind, ‘Is there something wrong with me?’ Negative thoughts and emotions will start to creep in, like feelings of self-doubt, self-loathing, and low self-esteem during the end of a relationship. 

Oftentimes, some people view a broken relationship as a sign that something’s wrong with them, and that they are a failure for not keeping the relationship up. What’s more, some people may have also given so much of themselves to keep the relationship going, which leaves them with nothing—even their sense of self.   

How To Love Yourself Again? 

Aside from healing and moving on from a failed relationship, loving yourself again can also be challenging. However, it’s also one of the biggest steps you need to take in your healing process. To help you along the healing road, here’s a seven-item checklist you need to practice to help you love yourself again after a failed relationship. 

1. Don’t Rush Grief 

Breakups are one of the most awful things you could experience in life. Some may experience it once, while others had to go through painful breakups multiple times. During a breakup, you may feel weak, paralyzed, and unmotivated to do anything. You find it hard to eat, sleep, or even get up in bed. You find yourself constantly crying before you sleep or shower. You also don’t want to go outdoors as everything you see outside reminds you of your partner. Overall, grieving for a failed relationship can affect you emotionally, mentally, and physically. 

Instead of pressuring yourself to pull everything together right away and stop all this grieving, give yourself enough time to grieve. It’s okay to cry all night and feel the pain. Remember that grieving is necessary, and it’s part of the healing process. Rushing yourself to get out there and suppressing all the grief might result in you finding rebound relationships and making rushed or unhealthy decisions. So, stay there in the moment, no matter how hard it is. You’ll eventually feel exhausted from all the crying and realize it’s time to get up and start taking care of yourself. 

2. Have Some ‘Me’ Time 

lonely woman

After a failed relationship, you may realize you have more ‘me’ time now than you used to. Instead of feeling sad about it, remember that the more ‘me’ time you have, the more time you have to do the things you enjoy and keep your spirits high again. 

When you’re ready to move on from the lowest point of your grieving period, you can start planning your days and nights with activities or hobbies you wish to do. You can join a class on something you’ve always wanted to learn (e.g., cooking, painting, a new language) or plan some nights for self-pampering (e.g., night spa, warm bath, or sauna). 

You can also start building up your sexual confidence again by going solo, get pleasure from yourself, and masturbate. Especially if it’s been a long while since you had a solo playdate, now’s the perfect time to do it. In fact, you can even plot one of your days to go out and explore the best sex toy stores you can find. Making time to explore and get pleasure from your own body is a perfect way to elevate your self-confidence, which you might have lost during your past relationship.  

3. Avoid Bad Habits 

Some people drown their grief by resorting to bad habits such as heavy drinking, eating junk food in front of the TV, or smoking. As comforting as these things may be, remember that their effects are only short-term, and you won’t thank yourself in the future. Instead of resorting to these temporary escapes, redirect yourself to doing healthier and happier things to help your healing process. It can be exercising, performing yoga, hiking, or swimming. Your health and heart will thank you later. 

4. Invest In Your Physical Health 

After days and weeks of crying and depriving yourself of sleep, it’s time to get up and start investing in your physical health again. Being cautious and mindful of your health decisions can be a good distraction from the pain and eventually help you focus on self-care and self-love again. 

Here are good ways to invest in your physical health: 

  • Eat healthier homecooked meals. 
  • Hit the gym or start an at-home workout plan. 
  • Add meditation to your morning or nighttime routine. 
  • Do yoga. 
  • Stick to your beauty or haircare routine or recreate new ones.  
  • Take your pet out for a walk more often than before.  

Taking care of your health means healthier and fitter you. The healthier you are, the more confidence and love you’ll gain for yourself.  

5. Go To Therapy 

Attending therapy or individual counseling isn’t only for people with mental issues; it’s for everyone. Breakups can adversely affect your mental health and can sometimes lead to anxiety and depression. Instead of fighting these feelings alone, remember that you always have the option to consult for professional help. A therapist will help you process your grief and pain in a healthier way. They’ll help you get out of your relationship-related issues and redirect your thoughts on coping, healing, moving on, and finding yourself. 

6. Hang Out With People 

Reconnecting and hanging out with your friends and family can make you feel supported and may even improve your mental and emotional state. Socializing with other people (other than a romantic partner) will also remind you of how amazing it is to be single and just hang out with anyone—anytime and anywhere. 

If you’re ready and in the mood, you can call up your friends and plan a weekend getaway to secluded islands, go camping, plan a road trip, or have a slumber party. Slowly, you’ll forget about your ex and focus more on your relationships with friends and family. Healthy social bonds can be nourishing for you and your overall wellness.  

7. Travel Alone 

While you can travel with your family or friends, doing this alone can also be good for yourself. When you travel alone, you’ll have an opportunity to know yourself more and what you’re capable of. Navigating places on your own can give you confidence. You’ll also be forced to get out of your comfort zone and preoccupy your mind with scenic views and healthier thoughts. Overall, traveling alone is good for your well-being as it makes you enjoy your own company.  


Breakups are painful, and you might not know how long will the pain last. But that pain you’re feeling is temporary, and eventually, you’ll find your way back in loving yourself again. As of now, you may feel like there’s no end to the pain. But remember, many others have also pulled themselves through from a bad breakup. And if they have found healing, so can you!  So, let this checklist help you towards self-care and self-love, and hopefully, to a better, stronger, and improved you.


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