Funny Quotes

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I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die next Tuesday.

Unknown

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says, ‘Oh crap, she’s up.’

Unknown

Silence is golden; duct tape is silver.

Unknown

I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention.

Unknown

Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.

Unknown

A good friend will help you move, a best friend will help you move a dead body.

Unknown

A politician is a fellow who lay your life down for his country.

Unknown

Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.

Unknown

If you are on in a million, there are six thousand people just like you.

Unknown

Alarm Clocks, because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

Unknown
 
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