Below are 75+ best Sarcastic quotes and sarcasm sayings that we’ve gathered to help you enjoy everyday. See more funny quotes and Sayings on MindBootstrap.
Sarcastic quotes about love
Not everybody has to love me. I can’t force you to have good taste.
A man can be happy with any women, as long as he does not love her.
What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically, better.
Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl who both loved each other. Then a slut came along and ruined everything. The end.
I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you.
Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor.
Related: Love Quotes
Sarcastic quotes about life lessons
Everyone has the right to be stupid. But you’re abusing the privilege.
Some times you fall before you fly. In my case I had to stumble in the dark, fall on my face and get up again. Only to walk into the wall.
Some people are so poor that all they have is money.
We’re all in the same game; Just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils.
Don’t worry about what I’m doing. Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.
Wake up thirsty at midnight…walk to the kitchen…switch off the lights you left on…latch the door you left open…forget to drink water. Come back to bed thirsty again!
Difference between school and life? School teaches you lessons and then gives you a test. Life gives you a test and you learn the lessons.
Opportunities are like sunsets. If you wait too long, you miss them. ~William Arthur Ward
I may look calm but in my mind I’ve killed you three times.
You can’t be a good example then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy’s Law
No regrets in life. Just lessons learned.
There is a lesson in almost everything that you do, and getting the lesson is how you move forward. It is how you enrich your spirit.
Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret. ~Laurence J.Peter
Do not let the behavior others destroy your inner peace. ~Dalai Lama
If you hang out with chickens, you’re going to cluck and if you hang out with eagles, you’re going to fly. ~Dr.Steve Maraboli
Three stages of life:
1.Birth
2. What the fuck is this
3. Death
You’ll never know if you can fly, unless you take the risk of falling. ~Nightwing
Related: Life Quotes
Sarcastic quotes on life facts
If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, don’t ask a stupid question.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. ~Steven Wright
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.
Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class…it never ends.
If you allow people to make more withdrawals than deposits in your life, you will be out of balance and in the negative. Know when to close the account.
The road to success is always under construction.
Always turn a negative situation into a positive situation. ~Michael Jordan
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. ~Mark Twain
Sarcastic quotes about relationships
If she replies to your sarcasm with sarcasm instead of getting offended…she’s a keeper.
A weak man can’t love a strong woman. He won’t know what to do with her.
If you are cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you?
Real men make your panties wet, not your eyes.
Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
If you’re in a relationship & all you do is cry everyday. You need to stop and ask yourself, am I dating a human or an onion.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
Have you ever had those days when you are holding a stick and everybody looks like a pinata?
Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn’t show up on X-ray but you know it’s there.
I love my relationship with my bed. No commitment needed. We just sleep together every night.
Relationships are like a walk in the park. ~Jurassic Park
Who wears the pants in our relationship? We prefer it when neither of us are wearing pants.
As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy. ~Ralphie May
Don’t worry about hurting my feelings because I guarantee you not one bit of my self esteem is tied up in your acceptance.
A man has two options in a relationship: Either stand up and be the man she needs or sit down, so she can see the man behind you.
I hide behind sarcasm because telling you to go fuck yourself is considered rude in most social situations.
Relationship is not about AGE, not about DISTANCE, not about communicating every moment of everyday. What’s more important is having TRUST of girl to her man and the LOYALTY of man to his girl.
More: Relationship Quotes
Sarcastic quotes about friends
Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean…but the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.
Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They are if you have wine.
Fake friends are around when they think you’re cool. True friends are around even when they think you’re fool.
It’s hard to find a friend who’s cute, loving, generous, sexy, caring, and smart. My advice to y’all is, don’t lose me.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.
I look back at some of the stupidest stuff we’ve done and think, this is why we’re best friends.
Friends are like boobs. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake.
Friends are the bacon bits in the salad bowl of life.
Dear fake friends,
First of all, you should know, I am typing this with my middle finger!!
Good friends don’t let you do stupid things…alone.
A good friend will try to bail you out of jail. A best friend will be in a cell next to you, saying, “Damn, that was fun!”
Only real friends tell you when your face is dirty.
Related: Friendship Quotes
Sarcastic quotes about work
I wake up with a good attitude every day. Then idiots happen.
Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself.
Me: I’d rather not..I kinda want this job.
I can explain it for you but I can’t understand it for you.
The reward for good work is more work.
I wasn’t always this sarcastic. It took me many years of dealing with assholes to become this good at it.
I use sarcasm at work, because slapping the shit out of someone is frowned upon by management.
The hardest job in the world is having to listen to you complain about having the hardest job in the world.
All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply. Thank you.
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.
I grew up living paycheck to paycheck, but through hard work and perseverance I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.
Conclusion
I hope you enjoyed our gathered collection of the sarcastic quotes. Please share with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. Thanks for reading!
What is your sarcasm saying? Would you like to add another one here? Share in the comments!
